


And One More For the Road

by kathryne



Category: The Good Wife
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-17
Updated: 2010-09-17
Packaged: 2017-10-11 22:40:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/117938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kathryne/pseuds/kathryne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>You could tell me a lot, but it's not in a gentleman's code / Let's make it one for my baby, and one more for the road.</em> Set between 1x04-1x08. Alicia, Kalinda, some advice, and the road not taken.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And One More For the Road

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Bell as a pinch-hit in femslash10 on LJ/DW. Beta by Zulu.

Alicia couldn't drink tequila any more without thinking of Kalinda.

One shot for a trial, two shots for a celebration. How many shots for telling your husband that he doesn't have a home to come back to? She rolled the empty shot glass between her palms, shaking her head at the refill the bartender offered. Better to let the first drink burn its way down and see if it granted her any clarity first.

She wasn't sure what she hoped to find here in the bottom of a bottle. Was she looking for the answer to her problem, or just the strength to admit that she'd already made the decision? Or even, she wondered, a reason to change her mind?

A hand touched her shoulder briefly, and Kalinda slid into the seat next to her. "I see you started without me," she said, waving at the bartender to bring over the bottle.

Alicia was somehow completely unsurprised to see her there. "I'm not sure it can be considered 'starting without you' given that you weren't invited in the first place," she said pointedly. Kalinda tried to take her empty glass, but she held on to it out of a perverse sense of annoyance.

"Alicia," Kalinda said patiently, and Alicia found herself relinquishing the glass without a conscious decision to do so. "You came to our bar. You're sitting in our usual seats. You don't want to drink alone." She filled both their glasses and slid Alicia's back along the bar to her.

Alicia accepted the drink without complaint. Had she wanted Kalinda here? There were plenty of other bars in the Loop she could have chosen. Never mind that the Golden Glow was familiar, comfortable... because she associated it with Kalinda. Whom she had practically been expecting to join her.

Meeting Kalinda's eyes, she tilted her head slightly in a gesture of apology and acceptance. They clinked their glasses and swallowed their shots in unison.

Alicia grimaced at the taste, licking her lips nevertheless for the last drops of the liquor, then turned to face Kalinda's intense gaze. "What would _you_ do?" she asked.

"Well." Kalinda shrugged off her dark jacket, letting it hang off the back of her chair. "That depends."

Alicia appreciated that Kalinda didn't bother asking for clarification or pretending that she didn't know what they were talking about. Of course she knew, the entire city knew. Even if her life hadn't been common knowledge, though, Alicia could tell Kalinda would always have all the facts at her fingertips. What she hadn't decided was whether Kalinda paid this much attention to everyone, or just everyone at Stern, Lockhart, and Gardner.

Or just to her.

"Depends on what?" Alicia made an abortive protest as Kalinda filled their glasses, then thought better of it. What the hell. Jackie was already planning to stay late.

That was something she wouldn't have to worry about if Peter came home, Alicia remembered. No more checking in or setting up incompetent babysitters. Let Peter watch the kids while she went drinking with Kalinda. The thought was strangely appealing.

"It depends," Kalinda said precisely, "on whether you're asking what decision I'd make if I were in the same position, what decision I'd make if I were you right now, or what I'd do if I were to make the decision for you."

Alicia rolled her eyes. "By all means, take me through your thought processes," she said, tossing back her third drink without waiting for Kalinda to join her. "What if you were deciding for yourself?"

Kalinda swallowed her shot before replying, the muscles in her throat working slowly. "I wouldn't be in this situation," she said at last.

"Because you'd slit the guy's throat?" Alicia said grimly. "I remember. Yeah, it'd be much better if you were both behind bars together."

"Okay, I may have exaggerated a bit," Kalinda admitted. "But I wouldn't have waited. Not just because of what happened. Everybody lies. Everybody cheats. Everybody uses each other. I could probably forgive someone all that. But when my private life became public..." She shrugged. "Dealbreaker."

"Thanks," Alicia said curtly. "That was helpful." She couldn't get too angry, though; she'd learned to value Kalinda's brutal, impartial honesty whether it addressed their work or their personal lives. "What if you were me?"

"If I were you." Kalinda reached for the bottle, then changed her mind and tucked her hair behind her ears instead. "Oh, admit it, Alicia," she said. "You know you want to let him come home. You want to give him a chance to apologize, to change. You want to make your kids happy. You want to believe he wants to come home. And," she continued, "you want it to have been worth it. All the press, the invasion, the scrutiny. You don't want to have let it go on this long without getting anything out of it."

She fell silent, and Alicia felt her protests die unspoken. Hearing her inner thoughts laid out so plainly by someone else was disturbing, but Kalinda didn't judge; she stated them clearly, letting Alicia see them without her guilt getting in the way. "I think that's the longest speech I've ever heard you give," she said feebly. Kalinda tipped her head in acknowledgement but stayed silent, waiting for Alicia to respond.

"Okay, all right, you're right," Alicia said eventually. "I do want to – to be the one who lets Peter come home, and for everyone to know that. And the press _is_ going to make a big deal of it, but it'd be worse if I said no, now." She took a deep breath, willing to admit to Kalinda what she'd barely admitted to herself. "And if it – goes wrong. I don't want the kids and Jackie to blame me."

"So?" Kalinda asked, her expression perfectly smooth.

"So I guess I'd better go home and talk to Zach and Grace about it before I call Golden." She slid off the chair, turning as Kalinda mirrored her. "You don't have to leave too," she protested, but Kalinda was already pulling her jacket on and tossing a few bills on the bar.

"No, I'll see you to a cab," she said, stopping Alicia from reaching for her wallet. "Your treat next time."

It wasn't until they were standing on State, looking for an empty cab, that Alicia remembered. "Hey," she said suddenly, catching Kalinda's arm. "You never told me. What you'd do if you were choosing for me," she clarified.

Kalinda waved down a cab, shrugging out of Alicia's grasp in the same movement. "If I were making the choice?" she asked as the cab coasted to a stop in front of them. "If I could say, this, this is what you should do, and you'd do it?"

"Yeah." Alicia paused with the cab door open. "What would you say?"

"I'd say, let him keep fucking up his own life if he wants to. He's done enough to yours. But that's just me." She gave Alicia a brief, thin smile that didn't reach her eyes and turned away.

"Kalinda!" Alicia called after her, but she had her hands in her jacket pockets and her shoulders hunched, and she didn't look back.

Alicia hovered, unsure whether to follow her, until the cabbie's insults broke through. She slid onto the seat and gave him her address, and when she looked up, Kalinda was nowhere to be seen


End file.
